


Tidal Waves

by SierraWinchester



Series: JatP, my own personal universe [3]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: F/M, Grief, No Beta, Oops, Projecting, Sadness, dealing with grief, i die like these idiots, i love them, i went too far with the ocean metaphor though, it isnt explicit, its julies mom, mentions of Flynn, mentions of ray molina, minor juke if you want it to be, the boys help her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:29:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29644422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SierraWinchester/pseuds/SierraWinchester
Summary: Grief feels different for everyone and there is no quick fix. Some days we just have to let it run its' course.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Series: JatP, my own personal universe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2145687
Comments: 5
Kudos: 46





	Tidal Waves

Her eyes didn’t need to open to see the relentless waves that were going to wash over her throughout the day. It had been a while since she drowned in the ocean of grief, her body rocked by the tide and her lungs full of screams that never escaped. Julie knew she’d eventually wash ashore, battered and exhausted from the fight, but it never felt like she’d ever escape as she fought to find her footing or to at least gasp at the surface. She’d long since given up keeping her head above water. Dr. Turner had explained that fighting that hard would only allow the riptides to damage the space between her ribs further. Sometimes giving in to the water and waiting for them to calm was the only way to make it back to land. 

Julie forced her hands out from under the blankets, finding her discarded phone and she quickly sent a text to her father. All it read was ‘tidal waves’, but her dad would know. Ray would know that salt water burned through his daughters’ veins and her heart sunk heavy into the depths of her chest, feeling like an anchor, threatening to drown her. He’d call her off school and he’d leave her be, knowing that she just needed time. They all did some days. 

Unfortunately Julie had never explained this to the boys and as she was the only one who could speak to them she doubted they’d know. Thankfully, she had been smart enough to allow them to keep an old phone of hers in the studio and with another quick text to Flynn she assumed she’d be free for the day. Flynn could handle the band for today, explain Julie needed time to be alone, and she’d apologize when her mouth wasn’t full of sand and her ears stopped roaring with the waves. 

Julie knew she’d drifted, back to unconsciousness below the tide, but she could also tell it hadn’t been long. The pain was fresh and she could feel her own tears still steadily slipping down her cheeks under the blanket. Shifting, she reached around to find something to grab on to, to help shield her from the next torrent of currents. What she didn’t expect to find was a hand? Jumping back, she dropped the blankets from her face and found a sheepish Alex sitting on the edge of her bed. 

“Sorry, Julie… didn’t mean to scare you. I was coming to check on you…” His eyes roamed her appearance, the hair around her face it’s own storm and her skin tone paler than he’d ever seen it. “Flynn explained what was going on, but I just wanted to see if you needed anything?”

Julie wanted to tell him to leave, to let her rest in her own version of a fish tank, surrounded by whirlpools and reminders of the pain, but she couldn’t. She was too far gone and yet somehow so so present. Alex couldn’t make the pain go away, but he’d helped before, he could help now. Rasping through the gravel in her voice, the sand sticking to her tongue, she pleaded, “Stay. Hold me.”

Alex’s face crumpled a bit but he was quick to move. He was in the mess of her blankets in no time and she was pulled into his chest, curled under his chin. His hands began to soothe down her back, thumbs tapping rhythms into her spine, drowning out some of the harsher waves and making them feel more like rain pattering down on her. She was lost to the darkness within minutes, her sobs hushing as she let them win again. 

The next time she woke Alex was gone but his warmth wasn’t. She rubbed at her face, sea glass stinging her eyes and she blinked past the ocean to meet Reggie’s eyes. He looked mellower than she’d seen before, his red cheeks a light pink as he shot her a soft smile. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

Julie only stared, unable to find words as the tidal waves beat against her brain and her chest, hands shaking as she barely held herself together. Reggie didn’t seem to mind. 

He’d pulled her office chair over and he sat beside her now, grabbing a bowl from the nightstand. “So, I know you’re probably not hungry...but I couldn’t help it. When I was a kid and I got sick my Nana used to make me this soup. It’s nothing special, but it always helped me feel better, and a few bites would still at least be good. I don’t want you to get dehydrated.”

Julie blinked at him, though she’d shuffled to sit up, her breathing harsher than she’d realized. She’d found a rock in Alex’s presence and now Reggie’s and she was holding on for dear life, the sea foam lapping at her toes, a reminder she wasn’t free yet. 

Reggie gave her another loving smile, a toned down version of his usual beam, and handed her a small cup of warm soup. It smelled good and when it hit her chapped lips it helped to wash away some of the sand. It wasn’t bland exactly, but Julie couldn’t taste much in this state. Still, she finished it all and by the end she felt a little less wrecked. Somehow she felt a little drier, a little more steady. 

Reggie smiled again, setting the now empty cup down. “Want me to lay with you? I can get Alex if you want. He ran out to check on Luke, but he’d be happy to come back.” 

The offer was nice, but the soup had settled in her stomach and while it was a warm blanket against the cold she felt all over, she couldn’t bear to watch him go, even if only for a moment. So, she shook her head and patted the space beside her, hoping Reggie understood. 

Sliding into the sheets with Julie, the bassist began to play with her hair, whispering some story about surfing and going under the waves only to come back up with no shorts. Julie could feel a tickle of herself, an echo of a smile somewhere buried beneath the pain. She listened to Reggie until the torrents dragged her from her safe haven and she gave in to the pain again, allowing the ocean of her grief to swallow her up, wondering when she’d see the sun again. 

Julie could hear Luke before she saw him, the film over her eyes obscuring her view. She was exhausted, though she’d slept between meltdowns. Her head rushed as she sat up, finally finding her guitarist across the room. Luke sent her a small smile, finishing the tune he was playing on his acoustic. “Hey, Jules…”

Blinking again, Julie only stared at him. Her brain was lost in the mist rising from the waves, but she could still recognize that he looked sad. 

“Been a rough day?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier.. I thought the others should try and help first. I, uh, I’m not so great at the comfort thing.” 

Julie let out some sound, though she wasn’t sure if the wounded noise was for her own pain or if it was for Luke’s dismissive attitude towards himself. 

Luke smiled a bit, though it was tinged with sadness still. “When I ran away from home and the anger finally faded..It hurt. Hell, it still hurts. Maybe more now, with everything that happens.” He sighed and waved his hand as if he could wave that thought away. “The first time I got really upset about leaving I was missing my parents real bad. I got sick, sleeping in the too cold garage, and I just missed them so bad. And I tried to explain it to the boys...but they didn’t quite get it.

It’s like...missing my parents feels like fire. It’s like inhaling the smoke and feeling it choke me. It’s like burning down everything I’ve ever felt that was good and replacing it with ash that just covers everything in a dark, oppressive layer and suddenly I can’t _see anything _. Anything except the fact that they’re not here. That I can’t be with them.”__

__Luke was explaining calmly, though his voice broke a few times and Julie could nearly hear the wisps of fire damage in his lungs, the remnants of smoke that had blackened his heart. He coughed, dislodging it from his throat, and he pulled up a slight smile again._ _

__“So...maybe it’s not the same. Maybe I’ll never understand the same way or feel what you’re feeling, Jules, but… I..I-I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you… we’re here for you.”_ _

__Julie felt more tears well up, but somehow these felt less like salt water and more like the rain that rinsed you when you got out of the ocean. It was cleansing somehow and it felt nice, like she was taking a breath of air for the first time in hours. She didn’t realize how badly her chest ached until Luke’s words lightened the load and pulled her to shore._ _

__She tossed away the blankets and launched herself, Luke barely dropping the guitar in time to catch her. She burrowed herself into his chest, gripping on to him like a life preserver, and she allowed the last of the bad and the hurt to pour from her like a storm drain. They sat that way for a long time, only breaking apart when Luke kissed her hair and called her name._ _

__“How about this..You go take a shower and change into some clean clothes and I’ll heat up more of Reg’s soup and we can watch that movie you’ve been raving about, ‘kay?”_ _

__“You’d really watch ‘Onward’ with me?” She croaked out, the disuse ruining it._ _

__“Anything for you, Julie. Anything.” He promised, a finger trailing an old tear track down her face._ _

__With one last hug she ran to the bathroom to shower, feeling more grounded than she had in hours. The waves had freed her and she finally felt the grief return to the box she held it in, allowing her to breathe as she washed the remnants of it from her skin. And if when she got out she found Luke’s flannel folded on the counter, smelling of a home she never realized she’d yearned for, well that was something she could live with._ _


End file.
